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Is it just me or do I see that everyone around me is getting pregnant? I really want to have another child but since my tubes are clamped I feel violated. I just feel like there is no one around me who had the same problem with their pregnancy, who gained so much weight with their first, who was told by two doctors not to have a child! I just feel that I want to be the mom who has two carseats in the van and who wants to be able to have a child naturally (ok well maybe with an epidural too) and to be able to feed the baby the natural way instead of having to go to doctors to get the expensive kind of formula shipped from the UK. Why am I feeling this way? Is it because Livy is almost 3 and I just feel like it’s time for another one or is there another reason? I don’t know but it’s really driving me up the wall not knowing these answers. For those of you who don’t know what happened to me about 4 years ago it was very traumatic for me and maybe I am reliving those days instead?

Well I’ll tell you a little bit about what happened 4 years ago. Back in the summer of 2002, June to be exact, I was dating a boy named Corey Bunch. We only dated for about two weeks but he really violated me as a person! When I first met him I thought “he’s nice and cute and well maybe I can give this a try.” We went on our first date to Yes’ Garden in Rocky Mount and then just hung out at Missy’s house in Nashville. During this time he was taking illegal drugs that I was clueless of and so had no idea about his past really. He at the time was living with Missy for a couple of weeks and so I went over to her house all the time. She was considered one of my best friends at the time and we didn’t want anything to happen to our friendship at all. Well Terry and I were still best friends at the time and so us getting together for one night or so was nothing out of the unusual. But something was different with Corey, he couldn’t understand why I had to be friends with Terry or any other friend at that and decided to tell me that if I were to speak to him that he would do something to me. I was like whatever but then realized what he was capable of doing. My other peers noticed something different about me and I even got into trouble a couple of times at work because of Corey. He was nothing but ‘TROUBLE!!’

I tried several times to get out of the relationship but I just kept getting pulled back into it. What was it that was so different about Corey? I don’t know but I soon found out!!! On June 23, 2002 I found out I was pregnant, but not with Corey’s child but with Terry’s. Corey and I really didn’t have an intimate relationship although he really violated my body and my surroundings. He did rape me and I felt dirty and nasty and just wanted to cry in which I did! Did I put myself out there too much or did he just take advantage of me one night because I didn’t feel good? I don’t know but why me? That night we were in Goldrock at I asked him to go out to the truck (my xterra) and get me some tylenol out of the glovebox, when he found the pregnancy tests in the back of the vehicle. Was it his place to go anywhere in my truck at the time, NO!!! He was and is an evil person. Well he came back ranting and raving about how could I not tell him? Why didn’t I tell him that “we” were expecting? Ok, first of all it wasn’t his baby in the first place! I didn’t love him, I loved Terry!!! Well after that he started yelling at me and took a swing at me, but then I remembered what Terry taught me. If anyone ever tries to hit me, ‘duck and run’ in which this was the case I did. I left his sorry ass in Goldrock where later the police picked him up for loitering. He didn’t have anywhere to go at the time. Oh well. The next day I went to Nashville to take out a warrant against him only to find out that someone else had already taken one out on him from another county. Now what has he been up to and who else has he done this to? Was I the only one or was there someone else? Well long story short I had to go to court all summer and fall with Missy and Terry by my side and he was convicted of “Assult on a Female” but had a light sentence. Now Corey sits in Jail on another assult on a female only also it was Attemptive Strangulation. Was I the lucky one of the females he had tried and done this to? I guess so.

About the Pregnancy, after that night I had to tell my parents only to find out that before I could ever conceive or have a child I had to go through Genetic Testing. Yeah so now they tell me. Well Terry and I had a long hard decision to make and we at the time felt it was the best thing for the both of us. Were we ready to have a child or to get married? We’ll never know now that we are already married and have Livy but I sometimes wonder, what if that baby would have been a boy? I commend those parents and mothers who have been in the same situation as me that go through with the pregnancy but after being told by my doctor not to have the child for it might kill me too was hard enough. I one day would love to have another child, even if it means adopting one from a bad situation or from a mother who was raped and couldn’t at the time go have an abortion. I’m not saying that abortion is the only way not to have a child but sometimes for medical reasons its the only way out!

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